Red State Values

The following is from our Seattle correspondent:

Surprise! Maurice Purify has been reinstated to the NU football team! Even by Nebraska's standards, this astonishing episode has left me combing the thesaurus in search of more synonyms for the word "slimy." The ironically-named Purify has a rap sheet longer than the drink menu at TGI Friday's. In May, he was cited for two counts of assault from a violent altercation at a nightclub. (One of his assault victims was a woman, by the way. Sound familiar, Nebraska fans?). Oh, and for good measure, he was also charged with resisting arrest, trespassing, and failure to comply. Then, less than five weeks later, our wayward friend was busted again--this time for drunk driving (which by itself has led to the dismissal of several high-profile college players recently.) In late July (surprisingly just two weeks before the start of fall camp), prosecutors combined all six charges in a bundling maneuver that would make Comcast envious. After sifting through all that confusing legal mumbo-jumbo . . . Ala Kazam! . . . prosecutors dropped one of the assault charges and the resisting arrest charge, and reduced the trespassing charge to disturbing the peace. Purify gets a one-game suspension (he'll miss the much-anticipated Nevada tilt--ouch!) and probation. Just in the nick of time, Purify is back in good graces, and all is right in Huskerland. Whew! In an unrelated story, Maurice Purify has been deemed Nebraska's most talented player by nearly every college football publication in print. But, lest you feel that Purify's life still might be careening in a dangerous direction, you can take comfort in the words of Head Coach and Chief Mentor Bill Callahan, who for some reason has turned very touchy-feely in this whole episode: "I met with Maurice Purify this afternoon and I believe that he has made a sincere effort to redeem himself and move forward in a positive direction," Callahan said. "During his suspension from our program these past six weeks he has complied with all the requirements imposed upon him by the legal system, the general expectations of a student-athlete in our program, and the specific additional conditions demanded of him as a result of his actions." Well, that's a relief. He's obviously rehabilitated. He didn’t screw up for six whole weeks. That's certainly good enough for me. And it's apparently good enough for Husker fans everywhere. I haven't heard one word of apprehension or disapproval from any of the faithful in Husker Nation. Why not seal the deal and make him team captain? I haven't given Callahan credit for much over these past few years (besides making Texas Tech look like the '92 Cowboys), but I have to give him credit for something. He's actually succeeded in making Lawrence Phillips look like Roger Staubach.