Sweet Home No More

In the words of Neil Young: "Southern man better keep your head." Shame on you, Alabama! That dress code is un-American. To use a Con Law phrase, banning all jerseys except those made by Nike is not rationally related to the legitimate goal of reducing unpleasant incidents in the stadium (unless it can be proven that Nike Tide jerseys are more 'decent' than other brands; judging from Oregon's Nike jerseys, they are far more extreme and outrageous than anything Brittney and her sorority sisters cook up). "Daddy, you can't wear the jersey that the Bear gave you in 1974, becuase it was made by Spaulding!" Daddy: "Aw shucks! Guess we got to go to Sports Authority and drop $200 on an approved one!" And no cut off jeans and halter tops?! I guess Daisy Duke's puttin' her tix on Craig's List. What kind of gnarled, repressed freaks don't want to see coeds in shorts and halter tops?! Did they get Phil Knight and James Dobson to draft the code? I think we might have to get Bush to send some National Guard troops down there to restore civil liberties to hot chicks. Wouldn't be the first time such intervention was necessary. Thank God CU still believes in letting the gals wear micro-mini skirts, cowboy boots, and halter tops (with out of state tuition as it is, it's the least the institution can do). The Big 10, Big 12, and Pac 10 have just gotten a leg (bare from the flip-flops to the Daisy Duke's) up on the SEC on this alone.